You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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