I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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