What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
