Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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