Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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