It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
