I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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