the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
