I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
