i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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