what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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