I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
