Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
