Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
