don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
