Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
