Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
