So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
