I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
