I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
