I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
