You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
