i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize