You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
