so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Randomize
