I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
