Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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