Dual....:-)
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
