do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
