Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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