He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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