K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
