Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
