I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
