R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
