i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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