Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
