The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize