Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
