The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
