Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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