So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
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