i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
she peed on how many people?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
