My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
