the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
