she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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