I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
