I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
