So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
