you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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