It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
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