She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
