If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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