No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
