omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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