she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Sober January is a disaster.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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