Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
