I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
