I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
third nipple confirmed
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
