i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
