Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
