glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
