I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
