Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
