I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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