I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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