my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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