fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize