life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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