i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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