Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
