i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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