Please don't use social media to get back at me.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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