I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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