no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
