I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
