yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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