I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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