I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
