Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Your cock deserves a montage
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
do nipples grow back?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
